The Holiday Throwdown
My heart is full to the brim
of baking with the ancestors,
of cooking with the children;
throwing down laughter
with chutney and roasted salsa.
Ice clinks in glasses as we
sip apple rum and dip
our fries in cashew cream.
A healthy dose of family
with boisterous boys
and bellies full of burgers.
Horseplay and memories
sautéed until golden sweet.
We are channeling the past—
hands guided by the greats
and hearts rooted in love.
Cjpjordan
The backyard has been a minefield of mud for the entire spring and summer months. The contractor we hired the end of April has used very excuse you can imagine as to why the work wasn’t complete.
As a teacher, I have heard many an excuse in my day as to why work wasn’t finished, why books weren’t brought to class, and why one child needed to insult another child. Often I have reminded students to simply stand tall and own their truth, even if they think they might “get in trouble” for it.
In my own life I have found that honest self reflection leads to growth.
Unfortunately, this contractor wasn’t interested in self reflection or growth. He was a poor communicator and gave excuses instead of owning his truth. Nearly four months later, he finally poured our patio. All the roots still aren’t trimmed around the edges of the patio, and the attention to finish details simply aren’t anywhere to be seen there, but we have a poured patio.
For now this is enough.
After the concrete patio was set, we hired these young men (with better communication skills, respect, and follow through than the older contractor) to build the gazebo kit we bought. They communicated clearly the dates they were available (all within the week’s time) and showed up right on time. When they finished there wasn’t so much as a scrap of paper lying about the yard. The job was finished above and beyond our expectations.
The work ethic and follow through of these young men restored my hope in builders.
Tonight Trace, Ev, and I sat out on the patio with our dear friend Jen, listening to the thrum of cicadas and watching the dragonflies dance in the evening sky.
Peaceful rest is what Jen called it, and I quite agree.
In those moments, I rediscovered my muse; it was the magic of the late summer garden at sunset.
Late Summer
Swarming dragonflies,
honking geese heading south—
they left me wondering how
the summer waned into fall
without word or warning.
All I did was blink.
—Carla Jeanne Picklo Jordan
When I was growing up in the fundamentalist evangelical church, I was taught that I was too loud, too bossy, too brass and too crass. I was chubby and wore half sizes in children’s sizes which was the plus size version for kids. My best friend was skinny, flat chested, and sporty. I was chubby, developed breasts early, and quite clumsy.
I wasn’t allowed to date until I was 16 and then only Christian boys because the Bible said it was a sun to be “unequally yoked”. I couldn’t see PG rated movies, use playing cards, listen to rock music, or use “crass language” including “substitute” words like gosh, darn, golly, shoot, poop, or (Heavens to Betsy!) crap.
But it was the messages I heard about sex and my body that have been the toughest to overcome. Sex outside of marriage wasn’t even an option. Should I do such a thing, I would be forever ruined, someone else’s trash.
The list of rules for girls was quite long:
- Bodies should be covered up, even when swimming.
- Nakedness was something to cause shame.
- Virginity is what gave women value; it’s was her gift to her future husband.
- Sex is shameful, don’t do it… unless you’re married.
- Once married, women won’t want sex as often as men, but never refuse your husband.
- Always keep yourself looking good for your man.
- Put something pretty on just before your husband comes home.
- Women should submit to the authority of men for their own protection.
- Only men have strong sex drives.
- If women have sex before marriage they are damaged goods and no one will want them—they are like a crumpled rose.
Deconstruction is a process that I am still experiencing. It’s amazing how quickly the teaching and indoctrination of my youth comes back to bite my enlightened feminist modern soul. I find it difficult to separate the good from the bad of my upbringing. But I am determined to continue this work.
Purity Culture
Men are visual
Or so I’ve been told
So many times
It is woven into
my DNA.
Be careful
Watch what you wear;
Watch how you walk
don’t be forward or loud
or brassy.
No one likes
A brassy woman
Women are responsible
For the lusting found
In the hearts of men.
I tell myself
I have grown out
I have moved on
From such foolish
Patriarchal nonsense.
I tell myself
I have deconstructed
Whatever that means
I have separated
The truth from the lies.
Until something happens
And all of it comes
Rushing back—
Guilt, Anger,
And Burning Shame.
At the end
Of deconstruction
There remains a giant
Pile of rubble, one
Mess of mortified me.
But I own
Every last piece
Of senseless shame
Every tiny bit
Of damning guilt
I own my story
I own my future
I alone own
The power
to rebuild my life.
—cjpjordan
The Shape of Ideas
Every morning I wake up
stretch my still tired bones
hoping for middle-age creaks
to have magically disappeared
Overnight I dream of sun—
basking my skin in the warmth
twirling in my swivel chair
trying to guess every time
I pass the sun and feel her rays—
my flowers blooming, my grass
greening beneath her glow
and then I wake up to mud
Everywhere the thick black muck
stuck to everything, even
my swivel rocker needed
to be put away and covered
Up to my ankles the mud
rises and enters my soul;
I wonder if, like the lotus,
I will ever emerge to life
From under the mud I begin
to rise and grow; soon I am
wading at the edge of beauty
not thinking about the hard
Hard work has followed me here,
but it’s the mud in my bones
that fortifies, birthing beauty
and wonder from endless rain.
—Carla Picklo Jordan
Fireflies
Every evening
as the sun dips
low in the horizon
a calm settles.
Fireflies blink
in dusky
summer skies
while the fire crackles
and laughter
breaks into the night.
If I am brave
and open my widening
eyes to see
into the falling
darkness, I can
picture tomorrow
I can dream
I can feel hope
rising in
my bones—
the kind
of hope
that speaks truth
but lives dreams.
Every evening
as the fireflies dance,
if you know how
to listen for the whispers
of tomorrow,
you can tell yourself
who you want
to become.
—Carla Picklo Jordan
Sunset
Orange ombre
tapestry covers
the sky-blue of day
until only a sliver
remains framing
the still life,
reflecting off
the tranquil waters
where a fruit bowl
of cantaloupe,
apricot, peach,
and tangerine
captivate my senses
so tangible
I can taste them
I can smell the earth
cooling from her
day’s work. As
the bee buzzes by
in his rush to get back
to the hive,
even he slows down
to savor the beauty.
Pause, Reflect, Savor—
a holy trinity,
a powerhouse,
an embodiment
of living well.
Hostage
The weather
is holding me
hostage;
I’m afraid
I will never recover.
Every summer
it seems
to be something—
slip and fall
pneumonia
broken ribs.
Now this year,
it’s raining
it’s pouring
it’s a muddy mess.
It’s a treeless swamp
where once stood
my beautiful maple
and my favorite
swivel rocker.
Oh Mr. Sun, Sun
Mr. Golden Sun
please shine down
on me.
—by Carla Jeanne Picklo Jordan
Yes, I know at least the pool has been installed, but no patio yet, no air yet (tomorrow, hopefully), and no sun…
We’ll talk tomorrow after the air-conditioning is installed.
Two Tanaga for June 2021
1.
June left me feeling beige-dead
One raining gloomy-bleak thread
Mud with ankle deep tire tread
Give me lucent day instead
2.
Anthracite grey wild-storming
Humid sauna air warming
Buzzing mosquitos swarming
Climate change life transforming
-draft by Carla Jeanne Picklo Jordan
The Tanaga is a type of Filipino poem consisting of four lines with seven syllables in each line. Traditionally, each line ends with the same rhyme; however, sometimes this will be varied.
A Tanaga looks like this:
7-7-7-7 Syllabic verse with an AAAA (traditional), AABB, ABAB, or AAAB (modern) rhyme scheme.
Muddy Waters
People like me belong to the rain—
soaking in joy breathing out sorrow,
tending to the dark roots and pain—
a slow broadening of mossy green
spreading wide after the summer storm.
I stay alive in muddy waters
when the verdant swaddle of meadow
is drowned in brown. It’s there I sought her
to teach me the wisdom of the rain
and to not be afraid of the dark.
It is with her I learned where I belong
and how to navigate in a world
reeking with sunshine and sappy song.
Bring on the rain, for how else do I
stay alive when dusk darkens the light?
—By Carla Jeanne Picklo Jordan
I read a story this morning about the death of a lovely young Australian woman who was a farmer, ecologist, and inspiration to many on her TikTok.
Her family didn’t give details about her death, but her father said “every day should be ‘R U OK? Day,” a reference to an Australian holiday when people are encouraged to have conversations about mental health and suicide prevention with one another.
I absolutely agree.
Don’t be afraid to ask someone if they are Ok. Don’t be afraid to push a little to encourage them to reach out to a professional.
There is no shame in needing help. Or asking someone if they need help.
It’s ok to not be ok.
How else can we stay alive when the rain comes and dusk darkens the light?
Hungry but not starved
she hurried toward the village
chest heaving breathing
in the familiar scent
she knew she was home at last.
—by Carla Jeanne Picklo Jordan
This form is called a tanka. “The tanka is a thirty-one-syllable poem, traditionally written in a single unbroken line. A form of waka, Japanese song or verse, tanka translates as “short song,” and is better known in its five-line, 5/7/5/7/7 syllable count form.”
Check out this website for more: https://poets.org/glossary/tanka
Poetry, Ponderings and Possibilities 