Well, Trace made it through night one like the champion she is.

And today feels like a new day.

Mostly.

I think I slept about an hour and half total. Worst bed and chair out of all the hospitals I’ve stayed at…and I have stayed just about at every hospital in the tri-county area. This fancy-schmamcy one had a couch and chair in the room that were simply dreadful, and I’m so wishing for a good nights rest tonight.

I will tell you this, every patient needs an advocate because not all nurses are created with the same empathy and ingenuity levels. To be honest, I’m afraid to leave her alone here.

A nurse anesthetist came in and said that her levels of pain are simply not acceptable. I was so relieved to hear someone say out loud exactly what I was thinking. Hopefully, she will make some changes.

On a good note, Trace is off the pain pump, and it’s just as well. She was pretty violently ill this morning from all the narcotics. Now it’s a matter of getting the right “cocktail” of meds to relieve her pain. The pain is still wickedly intense and not managed.

The surgical team came in early this morning and said everything looks great from the outside, but they have to do a standing x-ray today to make sure. That should be interesting with her pain level.

Most importantly, please pray that we can figure out how to get on top and ahead of the pain. (Can you tell that’s the theme of the day?) That is our biggest need right now.

Hospital Nights

It’s 2am 
and peace 
has settled 
in the room.

Her bloodstream—
narcotic drunk,
a slumped 
half-smile 
on her mouth.

Getting up 
to use 
the commode 
wasn’t so bad.

Of course,
dilaudid helps—
gotta love 
that pain pump.

I’m trying
to close 
my eyes
But I’m terrified 

she’ll sleep—
sleep through 
button pressing
and suddenly wake 

screaming again.
I know
she can’t 
live on that

high forever—
hooked up,
hooked on 
drugs every day.

Eventually she—
she will 
need to 
feel pain again.

The only road 
to recovery 
is in her own 
clear thinking 

and her 
sheer determined, 
unflappable, unstoppable, 
undeniably tough spirit.


—a draft by Carla Jeanne Picklo Jordan